Hello internet.

It’s been a while. I haven’t written a blog post in ages. I did pretty routinely a while ago, for a vastly different project than what I’m working on currently. That one was about falling in love, a topic which holds markedly less interest for me these days, but I digress.

This blog is about horses (sort of), but more so about making art. But we can start with the horses, because it’s pretty central to understanding what exactly is going on here.

The CliffNotes version is that I’ve been riding horses for over twenty years, and for many of those years, I’ve spent my time predominantly around ex-racehorses, AKA Thoroughbreds, or OTTBs (standing for “off-track Thoroughbreds”). OTTBs are, for many people, an acquired taste. A friend of mine recently told me someone referred to them as “the pit bulls of the horse world”, which I would take as a compliment, but was surely not how it was meant. OTTBs, if you ask me (and many others), are smart, loyal, have an excellent work ethic, are quick on their feet, try their asses off for their people, and make amazing partners both in sport and in life. I have one, and she has certainly done all of those things for me and more.

But being bred and trained to do one thing, that thing being RUN, they come with a unique set of challenges. Thoroughbreds can be high-strung, difficult to work with and ride, easily distracted, squirrelly, and real fucking fast. In the horse world, we’ve coined this behavior (regardless of breed, but often applied to this one) as being “hot”.

Hot horses can be hot just because, well, they’re hot. It’s a personality trait, like being anxious or Type-A, and in the right set of hands, it can even become an asset. But the thing about many horses that are hot, or reactionary, or even dangerous, is that there’s often something going on beneath the surface. And OTTBs tend to come off the track with more mental and physical battle scars than you’d see across many other industries in the equestrian space.

My horse, Maybelline, receiving 1 of 14 steroid injections into her spine required to keep her comfortable and happy after her life as a racehorse.

That’s not to say there aren’t people who are trying to do it right. But we races horses hard, and fast, at a very young age, under stressful, often unnatural conditions. I became interested in this because my own horse, Maybelline (formerly known as Funny Fairy on the track—yikes), came to me with more arthritis in her young body than you’d find in my 95 year-old grandfather. She’s an extreme case, but it’s a case nonetheless. She hit the ex-racehorse jackpot with me, but sadly, in most cases, she probably would have been discarded and found herself in an unsavory situation. Of course, there are lots of good people doing good things for challenging-case horses—there are just way, way more that aren’t.

Maybelline is my main inspiration for this project, but I’ve seen so many post-track Thoroughbreds come through my barn with both acute and chronic issues. Ulcers, kissing spine (a condition where the vertebrae of the spine aren’t formed properly, and therefore rub together), Wobblers (an incurable deformity of the neck, resulting in neurological deficiencies), arthritis in ankles, knees, hips, backs. I’d asked a friend of mine who works predominantly in rehabbing and rehoming OTTBs how she felt about racing compared to other equine sports, since she’s seen way more of it than me, and her answer was pretty cut and dry: “Nothing they’ll ever do in a second career will come close to the level of pounding on their joints in their first career.” Being a racehorse is not an easy job.

A Thoroughbred in training breezing, a conditioning-based exercise used to prepare horses for their next race.

So, that’s sort of the “why”, I suppose. I wanted to investigate post-track life, to paint a picture of what these horses go through. But it’s led me down a variety of paths, to a bunch of different people and situations, and I got to tell you. Being an artist is also not an easy job.

And I guess that’s why I’m writing this blog.

My perception coming into this project is that horse racing is pretty bad. But my goal has also been to remain open to all sides, because my level of education when it truly comes to racing, particularly at my starting point a few months ago, is admittedly fairly low. And talking to different people, across various aspects of the industry, has made it harder to parse how I feel about the whole thing in general.

Like, do I think horse racing shouldn’t exist? Yeah, for the most part, I would say so. Do I also feel there are people trying to do it as responsibly as possible? For the most part, I would also say so. But does that exonerate people complicit in what seems like a pretty bad set up for many animals? I really don’t know. Should horse racing be banned? Maybe! Do I feel like an insane person trying to claw my way towards some kind of opinion or truth while also attempting to make art and battling my own imposter syndrome? Yeah man, big time.

And that’s where the blog comes in. I figure if I can just write stuff down, and share my thoughts and experiences in some kind of less-pressure way (to be clear, the only person putting any pressure on me is myself, but still), maybe it will help me thread the needle through these various places, and people, and pictures.

Writing has always helped me. At the end of the day, what I choose to take away from all of this will be my own, and I need to be okay with the fact that not everyone who takes the time to talk to me, or read this blog, or look at the ultimate work I produce will agree with what I say or feel. But I think putting everything together here will help me make sure I agree with it. If that makes any sense at all.

So, that’s that! I love horses, how I feel about horse racing is TBD, I’m casually terrified of making art but we’re out here doing it anyway. Stay tuned for more!